If you knew me in high school you’d be shocked by me writing on this topic. I’ve always been the one to need to be in control, aware of my surroundings, firmly on the ground. My dabbling in drugs was brief : a few experiences smoking weed in college (never got the appeal), one time doing molly during my raver days (which went very not to plan) and finally in adulthood: mushrooms.
I’ve never been one to be fascinated by the allure of the escape that drugs bring, or the leaving of ones body. I love reality, and aside from my stints with depression, I’ve never really wanted to leave the feeling of being in my body, on this earth. I think I’m lucky in that way, especially with my family history of substance abuse.
I believe it was in 2019 I started looking being more curious about psychedelics. A few incredible documentaries on DMT and psilocybin (doc 1 + doc 2) peaked my interest. Specifically the mental health benefits were of interest to me. Paul Stamets, Michael Pollan and the like. I had a few friends who had experiences with microdosing mushrooms and eventually I took a recommendation and tried it for myself. I was very curious about the benefits generally, and more specifically in helping my seasonal depression.
The first source I had for mushrooms was a tincture made by a woman in Hawaii. I honestly don’t remember the name, and it might get her in trouble anyways so maybe thats best I don’t remember. The tincture was blended with a few other nonpsychadelic mushrooms: lions mane, and a few others. Most of the brands I’ve tried follow the stamets stack, a research backed theory developed by Paul Stamets, a mushroom legend based in Washington. In my understanding taking psilocybin with several other mushrooms in a specific ratio leads to a better experience overall.
The tinctures came in cute colorful bottles with artwork by the creator. The tincture was best taken on an empty stomach in the morning, blended with warm tea. I first tried them out when we were living in Ridgefield, which was honestly the best setting imaginable. I think I took around 100 mgs my first dose. Its always a little stronger the first time, when your body doesn’t quite know what’s happening yet.
I remember feeling more grounding, and more focused on nature. I sat and watched the grass blow in the wind, watching the birds and the bees, and just allowed myself to be. For me, its like being completely tuned in with nature, with no distractions. I’ve always felt completely safe and in my body on mushrooms, its never been a scary or jarring experience in any way.
In the beginning I didn’t do it very often, with a small supply of tincture I wanted to be very intentional and take it slow. Later I tried a different brand, a mushroom chocolate bar, with fun willy wonka themed branding. The chocolate was a slightly different experience, a little more intense. I think each form (tincture, chocolate, capsules) and each brand is slightly different. There are also different strains of psilocybin so that can slightly alter the experience as well. By the winter of 2022 I was using capsules regularly, from a local Portland brand.
Once I was using capsules the primary goal was to regulate my seasonal depression symptoms. 4 days on, 3 days off with between 100-200 mgs each day depending how I felt. To avoid building tolerance its recommended to take days off between cycles of doses, and always on an empty stomach in the morning. Psilocybin is one of the most effective anti depressant available. One dose can have lasting effects for days afterwards. Elevated mood, reduced anxiety its pretty amazing.
I found that the portland brand I was using had a side effect of this somewhat burning sensations in my frontal cortex, so I switched to another portland brand in the last year or so. The only other negative symptom I’ve experienced is nausea. Partly due to the empty stomach part, and also its just part of the way mushrooms work. Nothing super intense because its a microdose, but still something to be aware of.
What is also useful about my experience personally is I’ve made lots of breakthroughs while using psilocybin. Taking a slightly higher microdose, setting an intention beforehand, I’ve been able to use it therapeutically for working through childhood trauma, and cord cutting ceremonies. I have gotten more comfortable with myself in a deeper way that I can’t quite explain, and this effect has lasted longterm. I naturally felt called to do these things on my own, so there wasn’t any script I was following, but there have been so many realizations that I know wouldn’t have happened without psilocybin. I highly recommend keeping a journal nearby, you never know what a-ha moment will come to you.
Alot of creatives and silicon valley tech types microdose for creativity and work related productivity purposes. I haven't specifically used it in this way, but it psilocybin allows your brain to think in slightly out of the box ways, and I can see the appeal.
In a nutshell its been a very healing modality that I’ve discovered. I don’t use it recreationally, and I actually didn’t really need it much this past winter. I think its a tool I will still go back to when I need it, but I don’t need it like I used to anymore.
Yes, it is still an illegal substance in most of the country, but in Oregon it is legal for medical purposes, which was a huge part in why I felt comfortable trying this out. I’m a pretty big rule follower in most aspects of life, terrified of getting in trouble, but plant medicine like this should be legal everywhere. Its surely better for us than most of the pharmaceuticals being prescripted daily throughout the country currently. But thats a different topic entirely.
I have to also give a disclaimer that I am not a medical professional, and this is strictly from my own experience. Please do your own research, and consult professional sources as needed. I’m happy to answer any questions about my experience, and if you feel more comfortable emailing directly, thats perfectly fine too.